I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
