shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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