Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
