all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
