The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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