The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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