i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
