i just wanna soil my oats bro
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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