Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
