Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
