So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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