I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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