Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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