You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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