No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
