Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
