Pants 0. Shit 1.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
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