Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
