so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
