4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
