Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize