I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
