what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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