Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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