Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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