feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
