I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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