It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
