Just mADE A PArabola og urine
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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