youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We need to get me chipped asap
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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