If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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