hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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