this boner is exhausting
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
