I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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