Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
