I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
