I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
