Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
