I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
