We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
it's like heaven, but drunker
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
