i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
