i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
