We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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