I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize