Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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