White coat. Heels.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
