I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
