Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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