We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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