My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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