I have demons in me.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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