Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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