All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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