I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
