i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize