i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
