I think my vagina is haunted
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
