i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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