out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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