it's too hot outside to masturbate.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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