I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
