If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
