He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
