Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
