I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My legs feel like baby dolphins
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
