I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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