i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
