grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
