there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
