Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
