That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
