I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
