I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
