We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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