I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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