the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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